Jul 7th, 2006 by Jesse Moore
I about lost it yesterday, and by “it” I mean hope. One of my pending transactions, six months in, fell apart on the day that it was supposed to close. I don’t normally count on any money from a transaction until it closes - still, when that transaction is six months long it’s hard not have that money spent in your mind by the time it reaches closing.
It wasn’t just that though - this was after a series of events within a week that all seemed especially discouraging, enough so to generate paranoia, ulcers, etc. In a moment of dispair I found myself praying out loud to God, “Please God, I need this to close, I don’t know what I’m going to do if this doesn’t close, I know that you can make this work.” Almost instantly God seemed to give me a little rap on the head, and I knew then what my prayer should be: “Whatever happens God, I know that you’ll provide for my needs. My world, my freedom, my spirit does not depend on the outcome of this one transaction. Thank you for the promise of Your provision.”
So I prayed that prayer instead for the remainder of the day. In the afternoon I got a call saying that something miraculous had happened and the transaction would proceed to closing, only delayed a few days. And in a series of reflection I wonder what the result would have been had I had not been willing to change my attitude. I think that there’s a chance God would resolved it anyway - but maybe not, maybe he would have withheld payment for my betterment. I don’t think it really matters though, because in that moment He helped me understand the bigger picture, and I meant the words that I said, if even for that moment.
Can I tell you how much I love you? A LOT!! Thank you!
Jess -
Good to have you back blogging. That was a valuable lesson to learn. It is a sad fact (or theory of mine) that most people do not pray, they whine. It has been said that self-pity is the most deplorable of passive sins. This is a lesson I am still learning, but I would rather still be in the process of overcoming than to be locked into the false humility of whining over my “wants.”
By the way, as anyone told you lately that you have a wonderful wife?
Dad
Yes, that decision to marry a girl from Stevensville instead of going to North Carolina is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made…beyond a doubt.
Jesse-
I think that is the biggest lesson of owning your own business that we’ve had to learn. Fact is we still are working on it. It is so clear to us that when it seems we have quite an irrational string of “bad luck” that we are at the same time feeling very far away from God. When we stop trying to fix things ourselves and remember to have faith, God makes things work, even if it’s not the way we would have fixed it. I’m sorry that you had to feel that level of stress.
Oh, and we really like your wife, and we are very glad you didn’t go to North Carolina.