Oct 19th, 2006 by Jesse Moore
I disciplined a stranger’s kid today.
I was in Albertson’s, picking up a few essentials before hosting our weekly poker game. I was three deep in the checkout line, and in front of me was a mother with her nine year-old kid. To say that the kid was being a brat is an understatement. He was completely ignoring his mom and her pleads for him to behave, only turning to her to tell her that these were “his rules” that they were going by. The mother’s only threat was to grab the set of toys that she had promised to buy him and tell him that she wasn’t going to buy them if he didn’t behave, but anyone could tell that there was no conviction in her voice.
I’m not sure that there is ever an appropriate time to correct a stranger’s kid, but at the busiest time of day, in the post-work grocery rush we were facing, I could see that this mother didn’t have the capacity to get her kid to listen. So when he turned into her and started hitting her and kicking her I decided to butt in.
“Hey kid,” I said, getting his attention, “how about treating your mother with a little respect?”
This distracted him for all of two seconds. He looked at me blankly and said “No,” then continued in his tirade. I was hoping for a look of permission from the mother, but I didn’t get it, so I decided not to push the issue.
Every parent at some time or another has to decide upon their method of discipline. In the matter of respecting parental authority, I made the decision tonight that we will not spare the rod. I love my daughter, and we haven’t even gotten close to the point where we need to make such decisions, but imagining my wife and daughter in the same situation, I don’t want to trust in a stranger’s interference. I’m a big believer in time-outs, and any amount of “alternative discipline,” but when it comes to respecting her parents, Selah will know the consequences, and it won’t mean standing in the corner.
I remember my father doing something similar, interceding on the behalf of a beleaguered mother. I’m sure that whatever he said, it was more forceful and more wise - whatever the case, it’s the only reason I said anything at all tonight. It may not have impacted anyone besides myself, but I’ll be praying for both the mother and that child tonight. Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s harder for those that don’t understand the value of discipline.
Indeed!
You can enjoy the time now with Selah, before you have to be one step ahead and fearlessly consistant.
ya did good mr. moore. ya did good. there is too much disrespect tolerated from kids by parents (and for that matter from people by people in general)
ya did good. it’s funny, if you ask my kids what the #1 thing their daddy requires of them, i expect they would answer “respect”
Jess - I enjoy reading your stories. You are an excellent writer. I would have not been so kind if I would have seen that boy being disrespectful to his mother. You did the right thing.
Remember the comment Hillary made a few years back? The one about a “village”? While I don’t agree with the full premise of her comment, I do buy into a portion of it. Specifically this: a child’s attitude and ability to work within the generally accepted social construct is formed and molded by his/her parents, family at-large, friends, and SOCIETY. It wasn’t that long ago when a comment like yours from a stranger would have been accepted with a “Thank You” from a parent. Not now. It’s unfortunate and just another indicator of how far we’ve slipped. Good for you, Jess, in making the attempt to curb a future delinquent.
This is funny to me on several levels. 1st I want sn invite to poker night, I have next week off. 2nd I feel that it is a social obligation to look out for others in your community. There was a time when if you cut school, someone would tell your mother. those days appear to be long gone. 3rd I’ve yelled at two teenage morons climbing on the roof of a park bsthroom surrounded by adults. Yeah I was the white trash dad with his shirt off, but I was the only one with the sense of community to tell them to get the hell off. They only did so when I threatened to pull them down. 4th I discipline the children of over-burdened mothers in my office regularly. I don’t yell, but I use the I am in charge tone of voice. I get very good results. The white coat and the tone of voice when I say “my office my rules gets through to children.” I always apologize to the parent, for disciplining their child. Recently, one of the owners of the clinic asked me to stop doing that. They had a compaint from a long time patient. I was not the offender. This morified me. I don’t care if someone complained because they are an incompetant parent, but it is my authority that was in question. The boss feels only the parent has the authority. I disagreed, but agreed to do my job to their specifications. It is unfortunate. Kids need discipline. The white coat gives me the power to reach beyond parents. Alas that too has been taken away. One more point to bratty kids. 5th I have been told I am very hard on my daughter. I expect a level of respect that is age appropriate. Non parents and others dont’ get that. Old parent forget that if you give in once, it takes three weeks to retrain. It is for this reason I am not a pushover dad when it matters. My friends know I give in all the time to the silly things, but the important stuff stands regardless of the situation. My daughter has had a time out in the middle of Pikes Place Market. The Japanes tourists didn’t know what to do. 6th Good job Jesse. I don’t want to be the only socially responsible one anymore.
Marty
Wow. You all seem to have such a grasp on “parenting”. I admire that.
I wish I could say the same.
These days I admit I’m completely at a loss as to “how” to do it….and/or if I even did it “right” in the past.
Keeps me on my knees, I guess.
(one son. just turned 18. NOT a delinquent…but some heart-breaking aspects.)
very good, i’ll bet Selah won’t need much…..